I'm an eighteen year old Swedish girl. On my blog you're able to follow my thoughts, quotes, photographies; basically my everyday life in the pursuit of reaching goals and dreams.
Speak up
Trust me, I'd like to.
I'd like to write down my feelings and my everyday-life both to inspire but also to help myself and others who feel the same way; I have received mails from a couple who do.
But... Unfortunately, today's social system is too vulnerable. It is dangerous and hurtful in so many levels to expose oneself like that – it is simply not worth it. Again, unfortunately. I spoke with Carolin just today about it, about the ability some people have. To push down others who grow. Again, a thought-provoking quote is "if someone is trying to bring you down: it only means you're above them". Well, we are all humans. We all get affected by negativity, more or less. It is easier to take in bad criticism than to let one be encouraged by the positive. I just wish that... Instead of people being jealous: they would be inspired and take part of the energy of others.
I have one friend who write amazingly – but has put a password on her blog. Another one who closed it down. Mainly due to unworthy people reading it. I cannot help imagining how many people they'd inspire...
That is why I operate my blog on a relatively unpersonal level, where i feel comfortable.
Where I can choose whether to keep certain happenings and feelings for myself, or to share it.
I have purposes. I have beliefs. It is just that... Not everyone is ready to take part of them. Yet.
For one and a half hour more, I am seventeen years old.
My first intention is a scary thought. Me? I am not done with being a child. I am not an adult. I get a weird feeling in my stomach, telling me to fold myself together under a blanket and hide. Telling me I am not ready, not strong enough.
This is where I have decided to think twice.
It is hard to think twice when negativity appears, especially in the middle of math tests, driver's license studying and all that. But referring to my post about zooming out to percept your existence, zoom out is what I have to do now. So that I can remind myself.
I am still me.
For every day, even on a special day as tomorrow, I grow. Inside out.
For every day that passes, I climb one step closer towards my goal in finding myself, my passions and my purposes.
I have conquered obstacles seeming too big.
I have gone through things considered as among the hardest things possible, and turned it into strength.
– May not be showed on the outside, however, but as long as I am convinced I am satisfied.
Why... Would turning 18 years old be else special? It only makes me more independent on the paper.
It does not make me a different person, only the same person with new doors opened.
So don't you worry child.
Rock solid, shine bright with diamond sparkling, big eyes.
Tomorrow when I wake up, I will be eighteen years old.
Synonym: Life will begin, for real. Only you decide wether to keep your eyes closed, or to open them and sparkle.
Since 2009, we've had –and still have– so much fun. I remember being simply amazed by her stories from the time when she lived in Japan. I was told stories that never in my wildest imagination could come close to be experienced in this little village in Sweden. A life that was completely seperated from the life that I lived, but still, we made such a great team! I don't think I've laughed as much as I did that summer, in the middle of my Tokio Hotel-oriented life, haha! Or been as grateful that she came with me to meet my first crush, haha... I'm so happy to have you as a friend, Olivia♥ She provides me with tons of inspiration, check her blog out here!
I wouldn't say I have a particular clothing style. When I was younger, clothes were a subject that only mom knew of. But as soon as I started to buy my own clothes, colors and "girly" are words that would describe what I bought. At the age of 13, I fell in love with Bill Kaulitz (haha) from Tokio Hotel, and I wanted to dress like him. Black nails, black clothes, black boots, thinking (but luckely not completing) of coloring my hair black, lots of rings, eyeliner, rivets... Constantly listening to rock music and trying to learn German. I still enjoy rock music, just not as enthusiastically. About a year later I started listening to rap music, hip hop... Me and Fanny (my other best friend) dressed us in big, colorful hoodies that we bought on Carlings or from Adidas and finished the outfits with big, matching, colorful earrings, tights and sneakers. Photography, singing and playing the piano was interests that took Bill Kaulitz place, I must say. When I started the gymnasium I instead got inspired by the "preppy" clothing, such as brand shirts, jackets and maybe even skirts, you know the "Harvard look".
And today? Haha, I'd say a mix up of every style mentioned above... Including a pinch of girly lace and pretty, classic but basic tops. I'll tell you when I've found my style!! I've followed Kenzas blog for almost five years now and I really like her style. Another girl that actually comes from beautiful California and shoots beautiful pictures is Rumi Neely. Her style is really unique and even if I wouldn't buy every pair of her shoes (haha) I admire that she stands out from other fashion blogs. Her blog is called Fashiontoast.
I enjoy writing, but when it comes to reading I only have a few favorites. Strongly recommending Isabella Löwengrips book "Egoboost" to every girl in my age. I've heard her lecture, red her blog for a couple of years and red her books and my conclusion is that she is full of sparkling energy and pink girl power! Read!
One blog that I recently started following is Louises. There's not many people I get inspired by in this small Swedish town, but her posts I can really relate to and get inspired by! Seems like she always has things to write about and I bet she'd be an amazing writer. One of those real people, you know.
The fog is thick and you can clearly tell autumn is taking place. The leaves are starting to change color to my favorite nature colors, dark red, orange and a bit yellow. I don't know. Maybe this is a start of something new. Maybe dad's forcing me to change rooms isn't as terrible as I thought. I'm just lack of energy. I've always been afraid to fail, and when I can tell things in school or with friends/family for example are going bad, I just loose it all. Maybe it's true, what they tell me. Don't cover yourself in things you can't handle. But the difference is, I know I can handle it. That's why I put the standards high from the beginning, even if I know I'll have a hard time solving it. And maybe I won't succeed, but then at least I'll be happy I tried. I just... I don't know.
I'll just look through my window, watch the autumn leaves slowly fall to the ground, get mixed up with other color leaves. Falling into their place. Maybe I'll se them as my problems. The yellow ones are for school, red ones for friends and family, orange for future. And for every problem that's solved, they fall off the branch. But they're not bad. They get mixed up with eachother, and together create this beautiful ground for me to stand on. A solid ground full with experience and wisdom, to remind me that "I did this". Later, new green leaves will grow on my tree. You can see them as new things to solve (as a never ending to do-list) or as opportunities in learning something about life, which later on contribute to an even thicker ground. The procedure of life. You just have to choose your way of looking at it.
Oh, what a deep post. Will post something more fun later on, it is friday after all ♥
I don't think you actually know how you're doing, until you open up yourself to real people, who you truly can feel care about you. It's important those things, talking. To dare to open up to the right people. I mean, you're surrounded by six billion people in this world, you're not supposed to walk alone. Just find the right people worth walking beside.
I think, that the ability of taking contact with new people and the ability to connect with the right people, contributes to your goal in finding yourself. It's hard, I know. You've probably heard of those people, who "steal" your energy. Don't misunderstand me, a relation with another person is all about giving and taking different types of energies and helping eachother to a better life. But a relation with a person who takes more energy than she gives, is not a relation worth having in the end. I bet you all know what types of relations I'm talking about.
So tonight I've had an insight, my eyes are now suddenly more open. What I've learned, I'll share with you when I've tried it in real life and when I'm ready. Until then, my advice to you is not to be afraid to share your feelings with people you can trust and take advice. You don't always know what's best for you, stress easily turn you to the wrong directions. It may seem easy, shuffing the hard thoughts back in your head and continuing (but with a few stones lying on your shoulders). But after a while, it doesn't last. The stones get heavier. In life, I've already been, and going, through a lot and lately my head is starting to ache everyday, especially after school. I confess I'm afraid of not being good enough, or doing the right things. But after tonight, a small stone fell of my shoulders. I feel that I have people in my life who truly care and believe in me. A few. But a few is all that is needed. And it's not until you start growing together with those true people, that you actually start living. For real.
This post will be in Swedish! It's actually the first one... Why I write in English in the first place is because I find it easier to express myself in it, but also because I want to travel after the gymnasium and therefore it's easier connect with people I meet along my way.
In school, we have an assignment: to come up with an idea for the project we're having our senior year. Here is one of my suggestions...
Idéskiss bok
"Ända sedan jag var liten flicka har jag alltid älskat att uttrycka mig i skrift. Jag blev kallad lillgammal hit och dit, redan när jag var fem år gammal. Jag hade till och med ett litet låtsas-bibliotek i mitt rum, bestående av böcker alla skrivna samt illustrerade av en och samma författarinna; mig. Min personliga favorit var följetongen ”Ormis och Maski”: min handskrivna "bok" som jag övertalade pappa att skicka in till bokförlaget Egmont. ”Ormis och Maski” blev ingen storsäljare som jag hade hoppats på, men jag mottog ett fint brev från Egmont och detta blev en början på mitt brinnande intresse för att skriva.
Sedan dess har jag inte skrivit barnberättelser, utan istället skrivit dagböcker och bloggat. Bloggat om allt mellan himmel och jord, egna tankar och idéer, saker jag själv finner inspirerande och motiverande samt lagt upp bilder jag själv tagit. Min första blogg började jag på när jag var kring 14 år, men på senare år har jag tagit skrivandet till en annan nivå: att skriva på engelska samt att försöka hjälpa andra tjejer i min ålder att hitta motivation; både i studierna och i livet rent allmänt.(lifeasalexandra.webblogg.se)
Alltid har jag tänkt och drömt väldigt mycket. Jag minns så väl vårdagen i årskurs ett, när jag fick en mild utskällning av lärarinnan som påstod att jag dagdrömde ”för mycket” på lektionerna. Visst hängde jag med och lyssnade på min torrboll till lärarinna, men mina tankar befann sig i en annan värld. Idag ägnar jag betydligt mer uppmärksamhet till skolan, men jag finner det minst lika viktigt att låta tankarna och skrivandet vara en del av min livsstil, fast på ett annat plan på parallell nivå.
Jag måste erkänna att jag jobbar bättre ensam, jag avskyr grupparbeten. Jag avskyr tanken av att ha någon som beordrar mig att göra någonting på ett visst sätt, på ett visst antal sidor om en viss sak. Riktlinjer i all ära, men att få jobba och tänka fritt är viktiga förutsättningar för mig för att kunna göra ett bra jobb som jag personligen känner mig nöjd över i slutändan.
Det jag vill komma fram till i denna idéskiss är att jag hade velat prova på hur det är att vara författarinna, att sitta framför ett blankt Word-dokument och känna att jag får skriva precis vad jag vill, hur mycket jag vill. Jag vill i mitt projektarbete skriva en bok. En riktig bok, om att vara en 18-årig tjej i Sverige idag. Stryka under hennes möjligheter, som vi faktiskt har men som vi så lätt gräver ner under allt plugg, all utseende-press, allt jobb och allt annat som kan verka så viktigt i min ålder. Så viktigt, att vi ofta glömmer vad vi faktiskt kämpar så hårt för. Jag säger inte att jag har funnit livets mening eller att jag är en professionell författare, men jag kan försäkra er om att jag ska göra mitt bästa inom ämnet som faktiskt är något som ligger mig nära om hjärtat.
Jag vill hjälpa mig själv genom att hjälpa andra."
Okay, it's not deadly serious but is something I quickly wrote when I came home from school... Hmm, otherwise I don't know what to have as a project... Suggestions are welcome! ♥
Btw, Trey Songz new album Chapter V is sooooo recommended!! Really relaxing, cosy, autumnly... Love his soft voice.
Good grades, friends, being invited to the coolest parties, Facebook, earn money, have the prettiest clothes, best reputation, deciding what to do with your future meanwhile to stand out, being good at something extraordinary, being a good friend, daughter, sister and maybe girlfriend.
At the same time, letting go of the fear of being alone can be quite hard but is something that should be prioritized. It is something I'm working on; enjoy being with myself. Sometimes, I have so much on my mind that it's hard to sit down and just read a book or having a cup of tea without talking with someone/reading something important/texting. Sometimes, I even feel I can't sleep because then I think that I'll forget all the things that have to be done. Are these only parts of being a teenager? Are we scared of having nothing to do or simply afraid to fail?
Someone once told me, that you often miss the forest because of all the trees standing in the way. I'm starting to understand where that saying comes from. Sure, I always advocate to put up goals and to follow dreams, but to see all the big, wonderful things we have around us right now (represented by the forest) is what I think people of my age easily forget or push aside. Sometimes, nothing can seem so important but having that expensive bag, attending that cool party or having the cutest boyfriend (=trees).
Trees that in our way, block the view = the amazing life we actually live. Trees that keep us from zooming out and seeing the beautiful forest. A healthy, young forest loaded with abilities, personality. Filled with life, memories and expectations. A free forest, able to do anything in this world.
A forest representing life.
I know how hard it is. Everyone has got their problems, their trees. Especially in our age. "If only" is a phrase that we teenagers use daily in our minds. But if I tell you to turn it into a different sentence: If only you zoom out, climb the mountain, and look. Will it be better? How big are the trees, really?
Without the trees, there will be no forest. But without the forest, there would be no trees. It's just that you are the only one who can decide how big the trees are and how much they are hiding. How much they keep aside from you. And no, all the trees won't disappear if you cut down a couple of them that "seem so important". There will always be new ones. You just have to find your way through it all, your path, your lifestyle. Your way of taking care of them. It's not hard. It's not boring. It's life! Life built up with a lot of trees.
With this I'm telling you, don't forget to zoom out once in a while. Remind yourself of the beautiful forest that is all yours, the beautiful life you're living. No tree can or will (without your permission) ever, ever, block that view.
Nothing is that important. Don't let anything to be, no matter how big the tree even seems to be. You know why?
Because behind that tree, you have an entire forest.
This summer, my major goal is to accomplish two things. 1. Learn the basics about shares. 2. Study for my driver's license so that I can take it as soon as I turn 18. Things that I'll run into on my way and things I'll be doing on the side matters, they matter a lot. Even if they aren't that big. Together, they're what makes this summer memorable. To have a few, major goals makes the journey exciting. Increases the motivation. My goal for autumn 2011/spring 2012 is getting all A's. I'm waiting for the grades right now. But what they say is not what matters. What matters is that I've done everything on my own, and that I deserve every letter on that paper. To know that I can do everything that I set my mind to is what drives me forward. What gives me motivation. I'm capable of so much in this world, even the biggest, most complicated things. They actually aren't that big when you look back on them. You just have to make a decision, keep your eyes on the price. Compare yourself with no one but yourself. That way, you can never, ever, loose.
What I want to say is that it pays off. Even if I won't accomplish my goals according to the way I'd like, it will pay off. I always learn. I always grow. I always experience. In the end, that's what matters. Have goals and dreams, and I assure you. Life gets a meaning. Life is worth living for. You just have to find out what you have to do to realize it.
And when you do, you just know. That you can do anything in this world.
When I woke up this morning i felt that I just want to do something new.
I want to say yes more often to get chances to new opportunities. Like travelling, developing my interests, like singing/photographing... Even horseback riding, haven't done it for years but I often hung out in the stable when I was younger and still feel this little interest in me that I have for these beautiful creatures.
I have a lot of ideas for me to do when I graduate, but what can I do til then? Things I have time and energy for parallelly to school. Maybe join the school musical...
Hmm hmm hmm. This summer break is making me all filosophic. Maybe I should get back to school.
Yesterday I got this idea, well actually I kind of stole the name from Blondinbella, but practically I made my own version from what I consider is a visionboard. :)
So, here's what I did:
I attached four A4-pages to each other with tape, brought up a few magazines (Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Solo and so on), a scissor and some tape. Now it was time to start cutting!
So, my idea was to connect a picture to a certain goal for the coming year. For example, a picture of the American flag symbolizes my dream of going to the US next summer, and doing this I'm able to keep my goal in sight.
I also pasted some keywords behind some of the pictures. Behind one of the strawberries I wrote "be sweet", behind the eggshells I wrote "start each day with a good morning", behind the watch I wrote "remember to be on time, go to bed earlier" and so on.
My tip to you: make your own visionboard of your dreams and goals! It's not just an inspirational plan, it could also be a personal, good looking peace of art. ;)
