I'm an eighteen year old Swedish girl. On my blog you're able to follow my thoughts, quotes, photographies; basically my everyday life in the pursuit of reaching goals and dreams.
Every now and then I fall apart
And I need you now tonight And I need you more than ever And if you'll only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever And we'll only be making it right Cause we'll never be wrong together We can take it to the end of the line Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark I really need you tonight Forever's gonna start tonight Forever's gonna start tonight
This post will be in Swedish! It's actually the first one... Why I write in English in the first place is because I find it easier to express myself in it, but also because I want to travel after the gymnasium and therefore it's easier connect with people I meet along my way.
In school, we have an assignment: to come up with an idea for the project we're having our senior year. Here is one of my suggestions...
Idéskiss bok
"Ända sedan jag var liten flicka har jag alltid älskat att uttrycka mig i skrift. Jag blev kallad lillgammal hit och dit, redan när jag var fem år gammal. Jag hade till och med ett litet låtsas-bibliotek i mitt rum, bestående av böcker alla skrivna samt illustrerade av en och samma författarinna; mig. Min personliga favorit var följetongen ”Ormis och Maski”: min handskrivna "bok" som jag övertalade pappa att skicka in till bokförlaget Egmont. ”Ormis och Maski” blev ingen storsäljare som jag hade hoppats på, men jag mottog ett fint brev från Egmont och detta blev en början på mitt brinnande intresse för att skriva.
Sedan dess har jag inte skrivit barnberättelser, utan istället skrivit dagböcker och bloggat. Bloggat om allt mellan himmel och jord, egna tankar och idéer, saker jag själv finner inspirerande och motiverande samt lagt upp bilder jag själv tagit. Min första blogg började jag på när jag var kring 14 år, men på senare år har jag tagit skrivandet till en annan nivå: att skriva på engelska samt att försöka hjälpa andra tjejer i min ålder att hitta motivation; både i studierna och i livet rent allmänt.(lifeasalexandra.webblogg.se)
Alltid har jag tänkt och drömt väldigt mycket. Jag minns så väl vårdagen i årskurs ett, när jag fick en mild utskällning av lärarinnan som påstod att jag dagdrömde ”för mycket” på lektionerna. Visst hängde jag med och lyssnade på min torrboll till lärarinna, men mina tankar befann sig i en annan värld. Idag ägnar jag betydligt mer uppmärksamhet till skolan, men jag finner det minst lika viktigt att låta tankarna och skrivandet vara en del av min livsstil, fast på ett annat plan på parallell nivå.
Jag måste erkänna att jag jobbar bättre ensam, jag avskyr grupparbeten. Jag avskyr tanken av att ha någon som beordrar mig att göra någonting på ett visst sätt, på ett visst antal sidor om en viss sak. Riktlinjer i all ära, men att få jobba och tänka fritt är viktiga förutsättningar för mig för att kunna göra ett bra jobb som jag personligen känner mig nöjd över i slutändan.
Det jag vill komma fram till i denna idéskiss är att jag hade velat prova på hur det är att vara författarinna, att sitta framför ett blankt Word-dokument och känna att jag får skriva precis vad jag vill, hur mycket jag vill. Jag vill i mitt projektarbete skriva en bok. En riktig bok, om att vara en 18-årig tjej i Sverige idag. Stryka under hennes möjligheter, som vi faktiskt har men som vi så lätt gräver ner under allt plugg, all utseende-press, allt jobb och allt annat som kan verka så viktigt i min ålder. Så viktigt, att vi ofta glömmer vad vi faktiskt kämpar så hårt för. Jag säger inte att jag har funnit livets mening eller att jag är en professionell författare, men jag kan försäkra er om att jag ska göra mitt bästa inom ämnet som faktiskt är något som ligger mig nära om hjärtat.
Jag vill hjälpa mig själv genom att hjälpa andra."
Okay, it's not deadly serious but is something I quickly wrote when I came home from school... Hmm, otherwise I don't know what to have as a project... Suggestions are welcome! ♥
Btw, Trey Songz new album Chapter V is sooooo recommended!! Really relaxing, cosy, autumnly... Love his soft voice.
With an open window, taking deep breaths of the fresh Swedish evening air, I'm listening to acoustic, calm music to calm down, to get ready to sleep. Isn't it weird, it's first at night all the thoughts pop up? It's first at night, that you feel like you can talk forever with eachother. No limits, just a bunch of words and two bodies feeling comfortable breathing and communicating with eachother. Isn't that one of the most beautiful things? Staying up all night, talking about everything, nothing and all of the things in between. Sometimes, not even have to say anything, just lay there. Put your hand above mine, to tell me I'm not alone.
Yeah, it is. It is one of the most beautiful things in this world. ♥
Was counting math earlier today, with a huge headache, after school. I'm so grateful for having Freja helping me with it... It's great, isn't it? Having friends being good at different things so you can help eachother out in different situations, helping you becoming a stronger and happier person! You can never have enough real friends♥
Otherwise, today has been quite sucky (haha)... Looong lessons requiering your brain staying 100 % awake all of the time... Maybe explains the headache? Well, I'm going to read two chapters of my driver's license book, then I'm proud to say I'm DONE with this wednesday! Maybe put on a facial mask?
(A study tip: put up a goal what you're going to be done with for the day; like reading two chapters of that book and finish the math homework, then I'll reward myself with a piece of dark chocolate and a cup of tea in front of the TV. So much more fun having a price at the end so you stay motivated!!)
Good grades, friends, being invited to the coolest parties, Facebook, earn money, have the prettiest clothes, best reputation, deciding what to do with your future meanwhile to stand out, being good at something extraordinary, being a good friend, daughter, sister and maybe girlfriend.
At the same time, letting go of the fear of being alone can be quite hard but is something that should be prioritized. It is something I'm working on; enjoy being with myself. Sometimes, I have so much on my mind that it's hard to sit down and just read a book or having a cup of tea without talking with someone/reading something important/texting. Sometimes, I even feel I can't sleep because then I think that I'll forget all the things that have to be done. Are these only parts of being a teenager? Are we scared of having nothing to do or simply afraid to fail?
Someone once told me, that you often miss the forest because of all the trees standing in the way. I'm starting to understand where that saying comes from. Sure, I always advocate to put up goals and to follow dreams, but to see all the big, wonderful things we have around us right now (represented by the forest) is what I think people of my age easily forget or push aside. Sometimes, nothing can seem so important but having that expensive bag, attending that cool party or having the cutest boyfriend (=trees).
Trees that in our way, block the view = the amazing life we actually live. Trees that keep us from zooming out and seeing the beautiful forest. A healthy, young forest loaded with abilities, personality. Filled with life, memories and expectations. A free forest, able to do anything in this world.
A forest representing life.
I know how hard it is. Everyone has got their problems, their trees. Especially in our age. "If only" is a phrase that we teenagers use daily in our minds. But if I tell you to turn it into a different sentence: If only you zoom out, climb the mountain, and look. Will it be better? How big are the trees, really?
Without the trees, there will be no forest. But without the forest, there would be no trees. It's just that you are the only one who can decide how big the trees are and how much they are hiding. How much they keep aside from you. And no, all the trees won't disappear if you cut down a couple of them that "seem so important". There will always be new ones. You just have to find your way through it all, your path, your lifestyle. Your way of taking care of them. It's not hard. It's not boring. It's life! Life built up with a lot of trees.
With this I'm telling you, don't forget to zoom out once in a while. Remind yourself of the beautiful forest that is all yours, the beautiful life you're living. No tree can or will (without your permission) ever, ever, block that view.
Nothing is that important. Don't let anything to be, no matter how big the tree even seems to be. You know why?
Because behind that tree, you have an entire forest.
Today I've done nothing but fixing and cleaning my room! Reading the new ELLE with cosy autumn inspiration, watching the new Suits 10th episode, doing my math homework... Lighting my vanilla candle, bury myself with pillows and a blanket and just chilling. I'm terrible at chilling you know! So I suppose I'm making progress.
My second day of my last year of school is now completed! Feels OK, my schedule is pretty ok. I have four math lessons per week though, challenging myself with math higher level... Now I'm having a cup of green mango tea, looking for a new extra job!
After a good night's sleep I'm ready for a new day which includes driving lessons, coffee with my grandma and simply preparing for tomorrow when school is starting!
One of those days, that I need to recover, think, dream, plan and reload.
I don't know if it's because I switch home between my parents every week, but it sure takes lots of time and these days shouldn't be rushed.
To be inspired to keep on going your dreams must be prioritized and not pushed aside, as they so easily get when more "important" things show up along the way. Then things just start spinning and suddenly you get absolutely nothing done. And your dreams aren't really present longer either.
So what I recommend you to do is to buy a proper calendar, point up your short term goals (what have to be done within the next week/month?) and your long term goals (things you want to be done within the next 6 months or even things as "far" as reaching your dream job, if you know what that is will say). Examples could be:
Short term goals
• Take driving lessons at least once this week
• Clean my room
• Look for a new extra job
(• Run, but I try to never have that as a task because then I loose my motivation)
Long term goals
• Pass the driver's license test before the end of the year
• Get an A in mathematics
• Find a university I'm interested in attending and apply there
• Buy my very first stocks
Along the way, don't forget that dreams and goals walk hand in hand and should not be forced, but something you WANT to do. Remember, you're free and can do exactly whatever you want. No one is forcing you to get good grades, better condition or have a huge contact net. And booom, when you realize that, everything suddenly feels easier and you break free from this "perfect" pattern that seems right, and often success to accomplish these things, at least I work better with no pressure on me.
Life is a beautiful thing and it's to short to be forced, structured or limited.
Me and my eleven friends (+ lots of new ones!) have had an amazing week in Alanya, Turkey! Filled with MUSIC (Euphoria, Whistle and Breathing constantly on repeat...), LAUGHTER (especially when taking a swim 4 in the morning in the warm ocean!), DANCING (favorite club definitly "The Doors"), SHOPPING, SUN and LOVE! Love to my wonderful friends and to a beautiful world.
It is going to be okay.
In the end, everything is going to be alright.
Cause no matter what, it will all end in your arms. It will all end in your safe grip. One day.
No matter what.
So do not be afraid, just keep on going. Keep my head up high. Carry you.
Breath. Think. What is really worth?
Absorb strength, will, power, faith.
Live.
Good morning! Sitting here eating breakfast, listening to Frank Ocean's new album "channel ORANGE". Today I'll head to the library to loan some books to my trip to Turkey, clean my room, take a big fat powerwalk with Olivia and continue my math course!
I'm at a preparation course to Mathematics C and D this week! Going quite well, math isn't my fav subject but right now it feels pretty good.
It is my life. My dreams, my goals, my experiences, my memories, my feelings. Remember, those are things no one in the world can take away from you. It is up to you, whether you let them or not. Do not let anyone take your energy, your spirit, away from you. It is to valuable. Keep going. It will be worth it.
With work, the whole moving thing and everything I feel like my summer break is just slipping through my fingers... So I'm trying to cut down on things just to have time for your me to recover and reload. It's easily forgotten when you have tons of fun things going on around you and you don't really feel like being the one saying "no". But do so! The autumn is coming, and it's not short! Do yourself a favor, I know I'll try.
Well, I have some plans... I'm super interested in a sales job coming up soon so I'm kind of working on that.
Also my frenemy, math, is worrying me a bit so next week I'm attending a preparing math course. (You see?! I can't just take a week off!!) And of course, my awaited trip with my friends is around the corner.
Summary: take care of yourself and your beloved, and don't be afraid to take time with yourself just to reload the batteries. You're worth it!
